4: noticed gaping logical errors in C.S. Lewis books

5: found the “Captain Kangaroo” episode “Mr. Green Jeans and the Argument from Design” utterly uncompelling

6-7: watched “Superbook” and became concerned that none of my Bibles allowed me to time-travel

8-10: after watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, realized that the Old Testament was completely silent on the Ark of the Covenant’s face-melting powers and began to wonder what else it left out

11-13: discovered the powerlessness of prayer to jumpstart puberty

14-18: internet erotica

19-20: attended college Bible meetings for the free pizza

21-23: internet erotica

24: got kicked out of friend’s wedding for taking joke photos in confession booth

25-28: internet erotica

29: poorly-timed Manhattan vacation resulted in near-death at hands of religious fanatics

30: poorly-timed Bali vacation resulted in near-death at hands of religious fanatics

31: poorly-timed Casablanca vacation resulted in near-death at hands of religious fanatics

32: poorly-timed Madrid vacation resulted in near-death at hands of religious fanatics

33: poorly-timed London vacation resulted in near-death at hands of religious fanatics

34: poorly-timed India vacation resulted in near-death at hands of religious fanatics

35+: internet erotica