Posted in Uncategorized on Nov 12th, 2009
I apologize for not having posted in so long, but I’ve been working on a top secret project with NASA.
You see, thanks to a combination of disingenuous Mayans, misunderstandings involving the Temples of Syrinx, the teachings of self-styled “gurus” like “the guy who killed all those people in a sweat lodge to unleash [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Sep 30th, 2009
Happy Blasphemy Day!
Of course, around these parts every day is Blasphemy Day, so today we’re actually focused on celebrating the anniversary of when a thetan was reborn as Jenna Elfman.
Nonetheless, we like to think that we have some expertise in things blasphemous. In that spirit [ha!], here are some celebratory tips:
participate [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Aug 30th, 2009
What causes global warming? There’s a number of commonly-held theories:
carbon dioxide
third-world “kleptocrats” trying to usher in a “New International Economic Order”
cow farts
Marxism
meat-eating
Swiss prayers
sunspots
the earth’s increasingly-hot molten core
nothing
the Industrial Revolution
government funding for studying global warming
power-driven financiers and profit-driven corporations and their cartels backed [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Aug 16th, 2009
If you’re at all interested in the world of finance, you may have encountered Catholic Mutual Funds (who claim they can beat the market by shorting the stocks of gay-friendly companies), Islamic Mutual Funds (who claim they can beat the market by shorting the stocks of media companies who publish pictures of Muhammad), and Jewish [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Aug 8th, 2009
When I saw the article title “Why does God allow evil to succeed?” I was hoping that the Kansas City Star was going for some sort of hard-hitting, Pulitzer-aspiring exposé involving several reporters and months of investigation, culminating in a 5-day multi-part series. (“Part 3: Evil in Our Community.”)
Unfortunately, once I clicked through I [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Aug 3rd, 2009
Looking to opt out of the forthcoming “cash for clunkers” healthcare legislation? How about a religious exemption?
One of the central tenets of the health care legislation under construction on Capitol Hill is a mandate that every American be protected by some kind of medical insurance. There’s one exception to the mandate, though: people opposed [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jun 25th, 2009
Jehovah’s Witness Hell
Argument for:
hit song “Blood on the Dance Floor” violates JeWit interpretation of Acts 15:28-29
Argument against:
kicked out in 1987 for “suggestive dance, dress, and grooming”
Muslim Hell
Argument for:
inclusion of Mohammed caricature on Off the Wall album liner
Argument against:
professed Shahadah at Toto keyboardist Steve Porcaro’s house in 1998
Jewish Hell
Argument for:
followed heretic “Kosher Sex” teachings of Shmuley [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jun 3rd, 2009
The Catholic Church is warning its parishioners that Confession is not the same thing as psychiatry.
Now, there wouldn’t be confusion if there weren’t similarities. Both involve lots of Latin buzzwords. Both are very unpopular with Scientologists. Both require you to tell your secrets to some weirdo in a dark room. And [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Apr 12th, 2009
I had better get my book to market before the anti-blasphemy movement makes it to this country:
Ever since 2006, when Muslims worldwide rioted over newspaper cartoons picturing the prophet Muhammad, Western countries, too, have been prosecuting more individuals for criticizing religion. The “Free World,” it appears, may be losing faith in free speech.
We can probably [...]
