Your Religion Is False

What causes global warming? There’s a number of commonly-held theories:

carbon dioxide
third-world “kleptocrats” trying to usher in a “New International Economic Order”
cow farts
Marxism
meat-eating
Swiss prayers
sunspots
the earth’s increasingly-hot molten core
nothing
the Industrial Revolution
government funding for studying global warming
power-driven financiers and profit-driven corporations and their cartels backed [...]

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What’s the hottest album coming out this fall? It’s not Lil Wayne’s Rebirth. It’s not the Beasties’ Hot Sauce Comitttee, Pt. 1. And it’s certainly not Diddy’s Last Train to Paris.
No, it’s Alma Mater, the debut album from musical wunderkind Benedict XVI:
His holiness will be singing a Marian prayer as well as [...]

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After Pope Benedict’s fall in the shower last week, there was one question that was on everyone’s mind:
WHERE THE HELL WAS HIS GUARDIAN ANGEL?
What’s the point of being Pope if your guardian angel isn’t protecting you from slippery floors? I mean, sure, there’s page boys lining up to sodomize you, and you might get [...]

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I’m sure that (like me) you set a special alarm and woke up bright and early so that you could read the Pope’s new encyclical CARITAS IN VERITATE (“Who cares whether all this stuff is true?”) And then (like me) I’m sure you found it interminably long and incomprehensibly boring.
Nonetheless, it’s easy to pick [...]

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You’re probably familar with Alberto Cutié. Also known as “Father Oprah” (probably on account of his constant struggles with his weight, his habit of giving free Pontiacs to parishioners, and his millionaire-making endorsements of lousy books), he got caught by Cuban spies a few weeks ago cavorting on the beach with his girlfriend, a [...]

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