Posted in Uncategorized on Mar 25th, 2010
Having settled the whole Irish abuse situation to everyone’s satisfaction, Pope Benedict has shifted his focus back to the delicate interplay between science and religion: There is no opposition between faith and science, says Benedict XVI, who proposed the example of St. Albert the Great to illustrate this truth. Well, of course! What better way [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Aug 30th, 2009
What causes global warming? There’s a number of commonly-held theories: carbon dioxide third-world “kleptocrats” trying to usher in a “New International Economic Order” cow farts Marxism meat-eating Swiss prayers sunspots the earth’s increasingly-hot molten core nothing the Industrial Revolution government funding for studying global warming power-driven financiers and profit-driven corporations and their cartels backed by [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jul 30th, 2009
What’s the hottest album coming out this fall? It’s not Lil Wayne’s Rebirth. It’s not the Beasties’ Hot Sauce Comitttee, Pt. 1. And it’s certainly not Diddy’s Last Train to Paris. No, it’s Alma Mater, the debut album from musical wunderkind Benedict XVI: His holiness will be singing a Marian prayer as well as speaking [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jul 29th, 2009
After Pope Benedict’s fall in the shower last week, there was one question that was on everyone’s mind: WHERE THE HELL WAS HIS GUARDIAN ANGEL? What’s the point of being Pope if your guardian angel isn’t protecting you from slippery floors? I mean, sure, there’s page boys lining up to sodomize you, and you might [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jul 7th, 2009
I’m sure that (like me) you set a special alarm and woke up bright and early so that you could read the Pope’s new encyclical CARITAS IN VERITATE (“Who cares whether all this stuff is true?”) And then (like me) I’m sure you found it interminably long and incomprehensibly boring. Nonetheless, it’s easy to pick [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on May 31st, 2009
You’re probably familar with Alberto Cutié. Also known as “Father Oprah” (probably on account of his constant struggles with his weight, his habit of giving free Pontiacs to parishioners, and his millionaire-making endorsements of lousy books), he got caught by Cuban spies a few weeks ago cavorting on the beach with his girlfriend, a divorcée. [...]
