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Tag Archive 'catholicism'

Before leaving on summer vacation to check out the new Harry Potter theme park, the Pope gave us a teaser of his autumn plans: Pope Benedict XVI is creating a new Vatican office to fight secularization and “re-evangelize” the West — a tacit acknowledgment that his attempts to reinvigorate Christianity in Europe haven’t succeeded and [...]

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The Invention of the Go-Qart

One common complaint levied by those of us who write hilarious books mocking religion concerns the huge number of problems created by people trying to live life in the 21st century using rules written down by cavemen many centuries ago, long before the invention of indoor plumbing, refrigeration, internal combustion engines, the Nintendo Wii, “organic” [...]

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How Jesus So Loved the World

Of all the holidays, I think Easter might be my favorite. How can you not feel a bit awed when you think about how Jesus so loved the world that he came back from the dead in order to molest deaf children? Unfortunately, the whole celebration is under a bit of a cloud this year, [...]

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Having settled the whole Irish abuse situation to everyone’s satisfaction, Pope Benedict has shifted his focus back to the delicate interplay between science and religion: There is no opposition between faith and science, says Benedict XVI, who proposed the example of St. Albert the Great to illustrate this truth. Well, of course! What better way [...]

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Worst Jobs: Vatican Astronomer

You probably think you’ve heard them all. Lifeguard at the sewage plant. Public school teacher. Dick Cheney’s hunting buddy. Bill collector for Dr. Kevorkian. Oakland Raiders assistant coach. Well, now there’s a new one to add to the list: Vatican astronomer. Sure, the hours are OK, and Rome is full of easily-charmed young women, and [...]

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It’s tough being a religion teacher these days, what with the kids and their “hard-headed empiricism” and schooling in “scientific methods.” And when you try and teach them about “the intangible,” why, they think it’s all “fortune-telling and ghosts,” just like they see on the television and the internets! That’s why you can’t just assume [...]

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Why is Catholicism losing popularity? While researching my book I conducted several focus groups and found that the most common reasons were things like Communion rituals unfairly exclude coeliac disease sufferers lost faith in natural family planning after tenth pregnancy tired of being solicited for contributions every papal election season can’t believe in a god [...]

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Kateri Tekakwitha, also known as “Lily of the Mohawks,” “Genevieve of New France,” and “The Frigid Midget,” is on the short list for sainthood after having returned from the grave to perform a top-secret miracle: Just what the recent miracle is that’s been attributed to the intercession or divine intervention of Kateri Tekakwitha, known as [...]

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Smells Like Holy Spirit

What’s the hottest album coming out this fall? It’s not Lil Wayne’s Rebirth. It’s not the Beasties’ Hot Sauce Comitttee, Pt. 1. And it’s certainly not Diddy’s Last Train to Paris. No, it’s Alma Mater, the debut album from musical wunderkind Benedict XVI: His holiness will be singing a Marian prayer as well as speaking [...]

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The early reviews of the new Harry Potter are in, and they’re pretty good: The Vatican lauded the latest Harry Potter film on Monday, saying Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince made the age-old debate over good vs. evil crystal clear. Wait, crystal clear? I read the book, and I’m pretty sure that the battle [...]

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