Of all the holidays, I think Easter might be my favorite. How can you not feel a bit awed when you think about how Jesus so loved the world that he came back from the dead in order to molest deaf children?
Unfortunately, the whole celebration is under a bit of a cloud this year, what with all the petty gossip about the Pope’s complicity in covering up sexual abuse by pedophile priests.
I personally think it’s a bit unfair for us to focus so much energy on his role in the sexual abuse scandals while ignoring his role in the Plame affair, in the Vince Foster murder, and in Abscam.
It doesn’t really matter, though, as it looks like the Pope will be able to use his diplomatic immunity card to get out of jail free:
“The pope is certainly a head of state, who has the same juridical status as all heads of state,” he said, arguing he therefore had immunity from foreign courts.
Now, obviously this isn’t on the same level as really egregious diplomatic immunity abuses like the end of Lethal Weapon 2 or the “Law and Order: SVU” episode about Romanian wife-smuggling or unpaid parking tickets. But it still puts him out of our reach, unless maybe we can spare some Marines from Afghanistan, which doesn’t appear to be in the cards.
That leaves our hopes in the hands of rank-and-file Catholics, who could quickly and peacefully put a halt to both the priests-touching-boys and the pope-covering-up-for-priests-touching-boys problems by quitting the church. Without parishioners, it would quickly go out of business and could be replaced by slightly less criminal churches. (This is what economists call “creative destruction,” although in today’s world there’s always the possibility that Tim Geithner or Ben Bernanke might decide the Church is “too big to fail” and try to save it using our tax dollars.)
There would be other benefits as well:
- Springtime lunch options no longer restricted to crappy Quiznos Lenten menu
- Sunday mornings suddenly free to watch “America Quilts Creatively” on PBS
- No more germy Christ-blood sharing means slower spread of communicable diseases
- Savings from not tithing could be donated to help pay off national debt
- Prime Catholic real estate in Rome could be repurposed into something everyone can enjoy, like a Starbucks.
- If we’re lucky, no more Dan Brown books.
- Deep sense of satisfaction from no longer devoting life to false beliefs.
Catholics, won’t you think about it? If you won’t do it for me, then do it for the children! Or maybe for Dan Brown!
Oh, and happy Easter!
Your article lacks originality. That sense of humour has been seen many times about this catholic bussiness.
As a rank-and-file catholic, I do not itnend to quit the Church. I have spent many years in thinking about it, reading and developing skeptic criticism, polishing up beliefs, to find now a pretended witty remark with the usual clichés and fall from my horse.
You have the right to write whatewer you like, of course, but many people need more than reused ciches to quit an organsation that manages the vast majority of solidary actions in this world.
Cheers
Man, I spent hours thinking up that “America Quilts Creatively” joke, and now you’re telling me it’s been done before? Crap.
Yeah that was such a ciche.
Maybe those little rascals should carry small jars of vasoline.It will make it easier for me to rape them.What the hell,there only kids after all.Screw I’m. Whats such a big deal. Father O’Rielly
Head of blind chidren’s foundation
Eheheh — of course, as a rank-and-file-catholic you aren’t quitting the church, Alan Sheppard. Like, duh. You and literally hundreds of millions of rankly-filed catholics aren’t going to leave the church just because some boys were raped by priests. Even as evidence crops up that shows the pope involved in the most evil part of the whole thing (protecting the church’s reputation instead of the victims of sexual assault), you won’t leave the church.
Yeah, it’ll take more than humor and witty remarks to make you leave the church. It’ll take more than an epidemic of child rape to make you leave the church. Because if you really cared about those things, you’d have already left.
So congrats. You are in the rank-and-file of literally hundreds of millions of catholics, all around the world, who do not care. You’ve thought about it for years and still don’t care.
Other than just leaving, I’d suggest to stop giving them your money, or maybe, get support from other people who are catholic and form a group who refuse to tithe as a group until you get real change……but that’s all silly. You’re a rank-and-file catholic, and you’re not going to do anything about it.
if you’ve never truly sought GOD out, then you cannot fully deny his existence. to believe the world and humans, and all life came about by mere chance alone is more ignorant than believing in a higher power possibly creating it all.
I can fully deny His existence after seeking Him, then. I thought God’s nonexistence must be a breakthrough to all religions, but CNN politely declined my interview after this revelation. One hundred years from now, there will be no gods, except in mythology. Trust me, everybody already knows – you’re a dinosaur with your head in the sand. Stop wasting my air attending your many meetings. Our planet is being destroyed by the faithful.