Writing in Time, author Bruce Feiler argues that President Obama should be taking political lessons from Old Testament hero Moses.
He calls attention to the following three teachings:
(1) “Sell the milk and honey”
In other words, no matter how bleak things look, remind everyone that you were promised by a disembodied voice speaking to you from a burning-but-not-being-consumed bush that things will eventually (say, in 40 years) be better.
(I’m pretty sure that Obama is already doing this.)
(2) “Remember the Nile”
If you’ll recall, as part of the first plague Moses told his brother to raise his staff and turn the water in the Nile River into blood. However, the Pharaoh’s sorcerers were also able to turn the river into blood.
I think the river of blood is some sort of reference to Afghanistan. However, this teaching is probably too oblique to be useful.
(3) “The one on Sinai takes the heat”
Basically, Moses also had to deal with accusations of being a secret Muslim, of lacking a birth certificate, of being a protege of Bill Ayers, of attending a racist church, and of having a [holy-]ghostwritten autobiography.
Did he react by getting angry, breaking his stone tablets, forcing people to drink gold-ash water, demanding that people take swords and kill their brothers and friends and neighbors, and calling down a plague on the survivors?
Well, I suppose he did.
(But I’m pretty sure that Obama is already doing this, too.)
I’m not sure why Feiler stopped at three, though. I can think of lots more relevant Moses-lessons:
- if you kill somebody, make sure to bury the body in the sand and hope no one squeals
- before diving into politics, practice turning your rod into a serpent (I think this might be a Bill Clinton reference) and inflicting and curing leprosy. You know, just in case.
- promise everyone a free lunch
- if people ever doubt the wisdom of one of your military adventures, make them wander in the desert for 40 years as punishment
- if anyone questions your authority, get the earth to swallow them and their families and all their possessions
- make a bronze snake on a pole, so that people who get bitten by poisonous snakes can look at it and be cured
- whatever you do, don’t hit a rock with a stick!
Move over, David Axelrod!
I just realized what is missing from Obama’s stimulus package:
Foreskins. Hundreds and hundreds of foreskins.
Preferably from Pharisees, but Iraqis will do in a pinch….
Well, here’s the solution to your health care reform problems!
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