Your Religion Is False

I want to wish all my Hawaiian friends a Happy Islam Day!

Hawaii is celebrating its inaugural “Islam Day,” which was created by state lawmakers over the objections of those who said the religion shouldn’t be honored.

The festivities Thursday included a canned food collection for the Hawaii Food Bank, hand painting, a comedy skit and a panel discussion on “Coexistence in a Pluralistic Society.”

Let’s leave aside the question of what “hand painting” has to do with Islam and whether it’s haraam. I’m more interested in the comedy skit.

You see, before I was a famous writer, I used to have my own sketch group, “Contrabulous Fantraption,” and although we were never invited to perform at any Islamic events, it wasn’t for lack of trying. (In fact, it was probably because we could never make it all the way through a scene without giggling.)

For instance, one great idea we had was a Bud Light “Real Men of Genius” spoof:

Bud Light presents: Real Men of Genius

(Real Men of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Sharia-Enforcing Religious Policeman

(Mr. Sharia-Enforcing Religious Policeman)

Your brutal beatings of people who ignore the call to prayer helps keep the mosques full and happy.

(Brutal beatings!)

Hundreds watch as you let schoolgirls burn to death rather than leave their blazing dorm dressed immodestly.

(Burn to death!)

Sure, that might seem inhuman to some people. Why? Because they’re not Mr. Sharia-Enforcing Religious Policeman.

So arrest that man with the ice cold Bud Light, oh master of mutaween, because for every man who wants to ride in a car with an unrelated female, there’s another who wants to be the guy with the flogger!

(Sharia-enforcing flogging guy!)

I’m not sure if it’s as funny as canned-food collection, but hopefully it’s good enough to get us invited to Hawaii next year!

Tags: bud light, comedy, contrabulous fantraption, hand painting, haraam, hawaii, islam, islam day, real men of genius, religious police, sharia