I apologize (to all 3 of my readers) that I haven’t been writing here, but I got monstrously sidetracked. You see, one year from tomorrow I intend to subvert “Thicke Day” (the 25th anniversary of “Growing Pains“) by producing a special “Kirk Cameron Version” of the Bible.
I’ll start with the public-domain World English Bible, which frees me from having to pay royalties to Moses, Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John. And then I’ll augment this “very special” edition of the Bible by including an introduction explaining Adolf Hitler’s undeniable connection to the Bible, and highlighting the Bible’s racism and its disdain for women.
But that’s not all! I also hope to point out the contradictions in BibleMan’s full armor sequence, the book’s underappreciated admonitions not to make fun of bald people, my suspicion that Jayson Blair completely fabricated most of the events in “Revelation,” and an idea I have about how we can use “quantum tunneling” to produce cars that are fueled by ordinary tap water.
Unfortunately, it turns out that the Bible is about 3,000 pages long, which means that with my new introduction it will be almost 3,010 pages. That’s probably going to make the printing costs prohibitively expensive. But you’d buy it for the Kindle. Right?
You should totally do this, and then post the intro here. People can print it up (10 pages is nothing) and staple it in the beginning of a free Bible you can get from just about anywhere. Even better, they can do this and then send the Bible back where it came from.
Haha, excellent post; I love it. Their intro to “On the Origin of Species” was just sickening. It wouldn’t be so bad that they’re retarded, but they’re trying to influence people with lies and misrepresented facts. I’m trying to get people who go to these 50 select universities to take a copy, burn the pamphlet, and donate the book to somebody who could use a good education in evolutionary science (I’m looking at you, fundies!)
All you need is a good cover. Like Kirk and Ray behind Jesus, holding a baby dinosaur. Something cute.
Dont forget you can do what Kirk and Ray did and “abridge” your source text. I bet you can narrow it down to about 500 pages.
I think Gordon might be on to something here… There are many stories of people sitting down to actually read the Bible cover-to-cover and that being the trigger that spurs them to atheism (my wife is an example). Unfortunately, since the Bible is so damn long, the majority of people who undertake to read the whole thing already have enough of a vested interest that they are willing to ignore the pesky parts about the blessed institution of incest or the anti-depressant effects of smashing baby heads.
But if there were an abridged version in a manageable size that accurately reflected the despicable nature of the Bible… Well!
Its not just that the damn thing is so long, its also that once you get past the oh-so-familiar creation story, the oral starts. By which i mean scraps left over from oral tradition when this stuff was first being made up. Long lists of names! oh. wow. impressive. Impressive if you’re an illiterate goob sitting around a campfire and are impressed that someone managed to memorize a couple hundred names or whatever. It makes for some good barding but TERRIBLE reading.
It is funnyhow atheists most of the timehave to resort to insults.
It will never be proven that nothing created everything no matter how long you try! Im also pretty sure that a conscience being can not be created from a unconscience being!! I know it sucks but YES you will have to be accountable for your life, and you WIll realize it eventually. Atheism is a perfect excuse for not changing the way you live isnt it. I