Although Seattle is not a particularly religious city, our local papers pretty frequently run articles describing what it’s like to be “in a relationship” with god.
Today, for instance, Northwest Ministry Network Women’s Ministry Director Jodi Detrick brings us the touching tale of a former junkie who used the “relationship status” of her Facebook page to announce an “it’s complicated” with Jesus Christ:
Brandlyn explained something that had occurred to her: Although she wasn’t married or dating, she really is in a relationship with … Jesus. She knows Him, loves Him and believes He knows and loves her.
This is eerily familiar territory for me, because for a long time my Facebook profile showed me as “in a relationship” with Melrose Place’s Sydney Andrews. Sure, we weren’t married or dating, but I knew her and loved her, and I believed that she knew and loved me too. (After a while I realized that she still harbored feelings for the villainous Dr. Michael Mancini, and I set my status back to “single.”)
Sydney faced questions about her sanity (just like Jesus), faked her death (just like Jesus, was beaten up by a gang of prostitutes (just like Jesus, and tried to save the residents of Melrose Place when Kimberly Shaw blew up the building (just like Jesus).
What’s more, pre-Sydney I was on a Brenda-Walsh-paved road to ruin. And yet the Times never wants to print any of the essays or poems or short stories I’ve written about the difference this relationship with Sydney has made in my life!
Bigots.
I am declaring, here and now, that I am IN a relationship with that hunky British quantum physicist, Basil Singer. Thanks for the PSA, Joel (I would be in a relationship with you but I have been lusting after Dr. Singer for quite some time now).