Do you know about the Silver Ring Thing? Don’t feel bad, neither did I until a few minutes ago. I think that means we’re old.
Basically you wear a $20 silver ring to demonstrate that you’ve sat through a 2-hour pro-abstinence stage performance incorporating “high energy music, special effects, fast-paced video, personal testimonies, and comedy all delivered in a concert-style approach with which teenagers can respond and relate.” (It would be a real shame if you went and ordered one of those rings despite never having participated in a SRT program. A real shame.)
While it may seem like a strange accomplishment to commemmorate with jewelry, it is apparently popular enough that a bunch of secular kids felt left out and have created their own Secular Pinky Swear:
I, First Name, Last Name strive to live my life according to progressive, secular values, not dogma or superstition.
Wait a minute. “Progressive values”? Where did that come from? What does that have to do with secularism?
Digging deeper, it looks like it’s part of Principle #6:
Without losing sight of the importance of diverse viewpoints, I will encourage others to appreciate the value of reason, compassion, equality, and other enlightened principles that make the world a better and safer place for humanity, now and in the future.
“The importance of diverse viewpoints”? If there is one thing we don’t believe in here at YRIF, it’s “the importance of diverse viewpoints.” Actually, can I have that back? If there’s one thing we don’t believe in, it’s god, but if there’s a second thing then it’s “the importance of diverse viewpoints.”
The following are all “diverse viewpoints”:
- Li Hongzhi can use his supernatural powers to rotate an energy ball located in your abdomen
- Xenu blew up billions of frozen people millions of years ago with hydrogen bombs
- Jesus managed to pass through Mary’s vagina without busting her hymen
- CLAPTON IS GOD
- The world is 5,769 years old
Do you notice what else they have in common? They’re all colossally stupid. The only “importance” secularists ought to recognize in them is the importance of pointing out that they’re not true.
Kids, if you’re going to go to the trouble of proclaiming secular values, don’t half-ass it. If you want to be “courageous in the face of cultural pressure,” then be courageous! Supporting “diverse viewpoints” in the abstract means you’re supporting just about anything!
Might I suggest that you substitute my principle #6a:
In appreciation of the importance of non-stupid viewpoints, I will encourage others to appreciate the value of reason, compassion, equality, and other enlightened principles that make the world a better and safer place for humanity, now and in the future.
Doesn’t that sound better?