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Here’s a promising-sounding new book: 10 Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe:

Many Christians, new and seasoned alike, tend to bank on promises that God never made, says one pastor.

So when God doesn’t come through on those “promises,” some are likely to become angry at God.

And “that to me as a pastor over all my years is always one of the saddest things,” says Larry Osborne, teaching pastor at North Coast Church in Vista, Calif.

Osborne, whose church draws over 7,000 people, is hoping to spare a lot of Jesus followers from that anger. He’s also hoping Christians will peruse Scripture more and align themselves with what God really says rather than the “word on the street.”

Wait, that doesn’t sound promising at all! Does he at least have a good list of ten?

  1. Living God’s way will bring good fortune
  2. Faith can fix anything
  3. Forgiving means forgetting
  4. A godly home guarantees godly kids
  5. God has a blueprint for my life
  6. Christians shouldn’t judge
  7. Everything happens for a reason
  8. Let your conscience be your guide
  9. A valley means a wrong turn
  10. Dead people go to a better place.

Well, a number of those are stupid things. But if I were making a list of “Ten Stupid Things Smart Christians Believe,” none of those would be on it. What’s that? You want to know what would be on it? Good question!

Ten Stupid Things Smart Christians Believe

  1. A mistranslated book written by cave people is a reliable guide to the modern world.
  2. There’s an invisible man in the sky who likes to watch you while you’re showering.
  3. Two thousand years ago, an alter ego of this invisible man knocked up a Jewess whose husband wasn’t satisfying her.
  4. The progeny of this drunken coupling was both god and the son of god.
  5. This son of god was killed (but not really, since he’s also god, and god can’t die) and then came back to life to seek revenge, just like J.D. Walker.
  6. His killing was a necessary sacrifice in order that we might be forgiven for the sins of Eve, the first woman in the world, who lived 6000 years ago in a magical garden, where a talking snake convinced her to eat a forbidden apple.
  7. To show our thanks for this sacrifice, we should put special crackers and wine in our mouths, where they will be magically transformed into his flesh and blood, which we should then swallow despite taboos regarding cannibalism.
  8. If you don’t believe all the preceding items, then after you die you will be plunged into a lake of fire and tortured for all eternity.
  9. If you do believe all the preceding items, then after you die you’ll get to go to heaven, which is a cloud in outer space connected to the earth with a dotted line bent into a heart-shape
  10. Thomas Kinkade is an awesome painter.

Which book would you rather read?

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1,235 Responses to “Ten Stupid Things Smart Christians Believe”

  1. Anon says:

    Only skimmed over, but a least a few of the things listed aren’t biblically accurate – though yes, sometimes believed by Christians.

    People operate on a catch-all basis sometimes when forming an opinion of Christianity. Yes, there are many Christians who simply accept things without question, but no more than the are atheists/agnostics/whatever who act in the same way.

  2. Bilge says:

    Religion is specifically based on accepting things without question, whereas atheism is specifically based on critically assessing those same things in the light of reason. Equating the two may make you feel better about religion, but it’s utterly absurd.

  3. Anonz says:

    Bilge: Accommodistic agnostics aka faitheists usually fall in that trap.

  4. Andrew Silver says:

    To Bilge:
    Atheism is the belief that there is no deity/deities. It’s a belief, not a standard on how to assess information.
    Comment about the book:
    It’s a book about the generalization of the ideology of organized church stereotyped “brain washed” humans. You should do one on the black race and why there are so many of them in the slums of the world, based on stereotypes and watermelon, next.
    On a serious note and in my opinion:
    This book is just a hearty bash towards a stereotypical minority…

  5. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I think I would never understand.

    It seems too complex and very broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

  6. TheDED1 says:

    You forgot the dumbest of all the biblical stories. Noah’s Ark. Consider for a moment the point of view that the kangaroo’s must have had during this epic and stupid story. Somehow there were two of every animal (even though for a successful gene pool you need at least 9 members of that species) in what is essentially Iraq today, even though this part wasn’t exactly explained. That means there were two kangaroos that somehow swam across an ocean, and didn’t get eaten by anything, or drown (even though there was no food on that little trip of almost 7,200 miles). Then they hopped across a desert, and didn’t get eaten, or die from desert heat. (roughly another 350 miles) And then when spotted by humans for the first time, not one of those eternally curious and probably hungry hairless apes decided to kill and eat those giant meaty 6 foot rats. All so they could get on a giant boat built by one man. ONE elderly drunk man. On that giant boat they stayed on the “ocean” for 40 days and nights, and even though there was no food for the lions that had made there way from Africa to Iraq, (because there was only room for the pairs of every animal) the two kangaroos made it through and ended up on the top of a mountain. Now these two kangaroos make the journey back from the top of a mountain all the way back to Australia where they’ve lived for around 5,000 years according to many many (sadly) many Christians. If this isn’t proof enough for any relatively smart human being to know that the Bible is filled with moronic fairy tales, then they’re truly ignorant and stupid creatures. They have my pity.

  7. Jessica says:

    Despite being one of the stupidest religions in the world, a lot of people would be lost without it. It gives people reason to do things, such as help other people or become better themselves. In my perspective, religion is important, especially christianity, for those people who are afraid to face the end, death.

  8. Jessica says:

    Despite being one of the stupidest religions in the world, a lot of people would be lost without it. It gives people reason to do things, such as help other people or become better themselves. In my perspective, religion is important, especially christianity, for those people who are afraid to face the end, death. Now, being only fifteen, I admit I still don’t thoroughly understand religion whatsoever, but I can admit that I see it as an important factor in maintaining hope in this world where there is little.

  9. Jessica says:

    . Now, being only fifteen, I admit I still don’t thoroughly understand religion whatsoever, but I can admit that I see it as an important factor in maintaining hope in this world where there is little.

  10. Anon says:

    Jessica: The bad outweighs the good and that false hope has retarded humanity. Also Jesus is myth and Christianity is a complete farce. The sooner humans realize this the better.

  11. Jessica says:

    Anon: how is that a bad thing though? Ever heard the phrase, ignorance is bliss? Humanity is very, very fragile. If they all found out there is no higher power, it would crush their beliefs, everything they have ever known. Heir lives would be pointless to them.

  12. Anon says:

    Jessica: On the contrary many of the non-religious have no desire nor seek a higher power. They just accept to make the best of it.

  13. Howard says:

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120107143303AAYgtyB

    Assuming that most people writing here are or were Christians (I am not) it is not at all surprising that the main problem of which this article portends to be about is that most Christians do not understand the meanings and or literal translations of the Bible. Understandably so,,,, they can not read or understand Hebrew. Any way….the above link I found seems to give a good idea about how SOME (if not all of ) the Bible stories are meant to be understood and (in this instance, Noah’s Ark) and how they play a role in the way we live our lives.

  14. Anon says:

    Howard: Yes, many atheists know that the bible are just Mediterranean myths assimilated from each other. Most of us also reject the concept of the Abrahamic god because there’s no point in worshiping ancient and abhorrent desert myths.

  15. MrGruff says:

    Andrew: Your definition of atheism is not the definition most atheists use. Athrism is a lack of belief in dieties. It is not the positive claim that no deities exist, as most atheists recognize that would be quite impossible to prove.

    In the absence of evidence or sound philisophical argument (neither of which Christianity has) it is the rational default position.

  16. poorguys says:

    1.The original texts of the bible have been retranslated and retain accuracy over 5,000 years.b) These “cavemen” some how knew that the earth was round(Isaiah 40:22), and “hanged upon nothing (Job 26:7) when people 4,000 years later thought it was flat and on the back of a turtle.They also knew about air currents (Ecclesiastes 1:6)…there are countless more examples. Apparently every caveman (that lived in houses, temples, and tents) had the intellect of Galileo.
    2.God is not a man(It’s just that “it” sounds impersonal, and “she” suggests inferiority. He is not in the sky. How can a spirit have a penis? And why should anyone care if the creator of all life can see you in the shower? What will He see that He doesnt already know?
    3.Ever heard of artificial insemination?
    4. Too bad the Bible doesnt teach that Jesus was God. It only teaches that he is the son of God. I agree that the Trinity makes no sense. It was implemented by the Catholics to make the church more appealing to pagans with similar beliefs.
    5.See above- what vengeance? Jesus didnt come back trying to kill everyone. He went back to preaching peacefully, then he went back to heaven.
    6.Very true. At least you got one right. Except for the time. IT was much longer ago then that.
    7. In that case, put the bread in your mouth and take it back out and see if it magically turned into a finger. Now youre just showing a lack of common sense.
    8.Another false teaching implemented by Catholics. The bible teaches that when you die-you die.You will be resurrected on judgement day. The lake of fire is a metaphor for an incinerator.
    9.Wrong again. The bible teaches that those deemed worthy after judgement will live forever on a restored paradise earth. If Lazarus went to heaven when he died, wouldnt it be mean to pull him out and bring him back to earth? IF he went to hell, wouldnt he have said how horrible it was?
    10. Irrevelant. I will use this point to suggest that you do more research on topics before you try to trash them. It is obvious that you did not thoroughly study the bible before making these ludicrous claims. You solely based your premises on false teachings that can be found nowhere in the bible, and use false reasonings on actual bible verses.
    Imagine a textbook given to ten different professors. Each one will teach the textbook differently from each other, and only the author will teach it the way it is supposed to be taught. The error of Christendom is a testimony to the fallacy of the false teachers and bad students(imitation christians)- not the quality of the textbook.
    What would you call a student who fails an exam and then blames the textbook? An idiot. What did you just do? If you can’t figure this on out then *sigh*.
    I hope I cleared things up for you guys. Properly research the topics of hell and the trinity, et cetera, and find the truth.

  17. ivan says:

    ^@no 8: then what is the point of not doing evil since you won’t go to hell in the end?

  18. Ashley says:

    Andrew Silver,

    You have NO idea what you are talking about. “To Bilge:
    Atheism is the belief that there is no deity/deities. It’s a belief, not a standard on how to assess information”
    WRONG.
    Consult the nearest dictionary and look up the definition of the word atheism. It is NOT a belief system AT ALL. It is the rejection of a belief system – its the EXACT OPPOSITE of a belief system.
    I don’t “believe that there is no god”. I “don’t believe that there IS a god”. There’s a HUGE difference. I have no beliefs. Period.

  19. Cory says:

    Poorguy:
    Real quick, where in the bible does it say that Jesus is the son of god?
    Ive only read “the son of man.”
    Seems like a big difference.

  20. Charlie Sommers says:

    Cory, I am an atheist but here are the references you requested.

    Luke 1:35 — And the angel answered and said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God.

    John 20:31 — but these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in His name.

    Luke 22:70-71 — Then they all said, “Are You then the Son of God?” So He said to them, “You rightly say that I am.” And they said, “What further testimony do we need? For we have heard it ourselves from His own mouth.”

    Matthew 14:33 — Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God.”

    John 5:18 — Therefore the Jews sought all the more to kill Him, because He not only broke the Sabbath, but also said that God was His Father, making Himself equal with God.

    John 5:18 — Therefore the Jews sought all the more to kill Him, because He not only broke the Sabbath, but also said that God was His Father, making Himself equal with God.

    John 5:18 — Therefore the Jews sought all the more to kill Him, because He not only broke the Sabbath, but also said that God was His Father, making Himself equal with God.

    Matthew 16:16-17 — Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.

    John 5:23 — that all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.

    I don’t personally believe any of these since I am an atheist or a non-theists whichever you prefer but the Bible states emphatically that Jesus was/is the son of God.

  21. Charlie Sommers says:

    Please excuse me for having included John 5:18 two time too many.

  22. Dave P says:

    Poorguys said “The original texts of the bible have been retranslated and retain accuracy over 5,000 years.b) These “cavemen” some how knew that the earth was round(Isaiah 40:22)”

    Here’s another example of the bible being mistranslated by an over zealous Christian trying to prove a point. In the N.I.V. bible, Isaiah 40:22 reads:
    “He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
    and its people are like grasshoppers.
    He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
    and spreads them out like a tent to live in.”

    The use of the term “circle” does not suggest in any way that the author believed that the Earth was a globe. In fact, the description of Heaven being stretched out “like a canopy”, thereby providing shelter, “like a tent” clearly suggests that the author was envisioning the Earth as a flat disk. A canopy would not protect all of the “grasshopper” like people of the Earth. That type of shelter would protect 50% of the Earth at maximum. Your postulation here is a prime example of a Christian abandoning intellect for faith.

  23. certainly non theist says:

    Poor guy: you certainly are a poor guy for being so ignorant…have you one original verified text to compare modern translations to? There are none. What previous interprdtations we have can certainly show mistakes in translations… compare the king James to a good news bible for example. Best of all for you committed Christians, take your bible and compare the birth and crucifixion stories we treasureso much…bbetween Matthew, Mark, Luke and John… they cannot agree on the very most basic of details. This is not my opinion or feelings but what is printed… AND what you, like many Christians like to believe is the inerrant word of god. This is the tip of the iceberg of errancy of western religion…the more you fig, the more critical mistakes you find. You cannot say on one hand it was a clerical error and it is the perfect word of god on the other. Most atheist or non theist get drawn into the trap of their questioning statements of Christianity when all they need to do is point back to the actual text Christians use in worship. I suggest starting with Professor Bart D Ehrman ” Jesus Interrupted” to begin true enlightenment. He is a foremost new testament scholar, very well qualified to shed light in the path. Finally…if Christianity is supposed to be do good…why for they come across as so hateful when discussing their belief?

  24. It’s rather a great plus practical bit of details. I’m pleased that you simply discussed this convenient information and facts with us. Please stop us up to date similar to this. Thanks for discussing.

  25. Blazeiken says:

    What I hate the most being an atheist is the argument of how was the universe created how long ago was it created. Well everyone who asked me this answers by saying god created the universe and the universe has only been around for 10,000 or so years when I ask them how was god created they explain he created himself and I just think how??!?!!!!???

  26. Mike says:

    It’s simple, you won’t understand the word of god because you’re not elect. That’s the way it’s designed. I can argue till I’m blue in the face why there’s a god, but it would be pointless because you’re dead inside, blind, lost. Fortunately, I woke up when I was saved, and received the Holy Spirit. I pray that you find god too, because you are gambling everything. Think about it, you are going to be the only one to know if we Christians were right or wrong when you die and meet your maker. By that point, it will have been too late. You are wagering EVERYTHING To go out on a limb to say with absolute certainty that there is no god. So in a way, you are the stupid ones. Case in point, the Christian dies, and there is no god(there IS a god) then nothing happens, and we lose nothing, but the unbeliever dies, and there is a god, then complete separation from god for eternity(HELL). So you take your chances gamblers… The bible is inerrant, infallible, complete, and authoritative. “Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar”, so every word of god is pure and true. I can give you a laundry list of scientific proof and reasons, detailing the accuracy of the bible. Again, you won’t understand because you are non elect, spiritually dead, blind, and not “written in the book of life”. Get right with god gents, because he is coming soon you gamblers.

  27. a says:

    Mike.you are also gambling a lot. What if you die and you meet Allah? Or Vishnu?
    Classic example of ‘my religion is the only true one and the rest of you are praying to the wrong god’ bullshit.

  28. To everyone who is saying that religion is false and that God is not real: YOU ARE UTTERLY FALSE. Science cannot prove nor disprove the existence of God. This so called list does not contain any scientific evidence. Therefore they are all biases aimed at a group that is persecuted because they believe in a deity. Everyone, is turning religion into a giant hate-pit. Let me be clear, Science cannot prove that God is not real. And to those Christians who wonder why they are persecuted. You are not being a good Christian by forcing religion onto people who really don’t want to know God. I am a Christian, but I understand that people will not follow God if they are being forced upon. Those opinions that Christians abandon intellect for faith was caused by yourselves. You blindly rush around claiming to be God’s servants when you spit hate. I understand why Atheists believe what they believe but don’t post your comments in such violent ways, Christians need to stop this as well. All religions are making themselves come off as hateful human beings: to religious people- Is this what your God wants you to do? and to atheists- Please try to respect other people’s beliefs, I know that many Christians are being forceful and violent in nature, but try to just scroll down and stop reading their comments. I acknowledge and accept your beliefs, I used to be one. Please try not to be so destructive. And I am pretty sure that many atheists look into these kinds of websites because they are doubtful of their beliefs :P , Just a thought.

  29. aabawa says:

    the idea of a deity who magically created the universe out of nothing is utter nonsense.

  30. aabawa says:

    the main reason why science has not completely debunk god is because non can prove or disprove something that does not exist,so god has to exists before science can shamely debunk the utter nonsense outta this made up god.

  31. GODLESS says:

    The difference between science and religion is that the former is always willing to reconsider any of its theories, laws and rules. The catch is that the longer a theory is supported by evidence, the stronger the evidence must be to disprove it. Ask any religious person if they would accept any evidence disproving the existence of his/her god(s) and the answer will always be “No.” That is why religion can never be classified as “science” regardless of what name you give to it.

  32. GODLESS says:

    Christians believe their God is omniscient and knows everything, including everything that has happened and will happen, as well as every thought your mind creates before you think it. If that’s the case, there is no “free will.”
    They also believe their God is omnipotent, and can do anything. Problem is, if their God can do anything but doesn’t lift a finger to stop all the disasters, massacres and wars that have happened, are happening now and will happen in the future, their God is also a psychopath who enjoys watching our misery.[3]
    However, if the Christian God is not omniscient or omnipotent… well, in that case their God is not a “god” and doesn’t exist.

  33. GODLESS says:

    Dan Barker quote “I do understand what love is, and that is one of the reasons I can never again be a Christian. Love is not self denial. Love is not blood and suffering. Love is not murdering your son to appease your own vanity. Love is not hatred or wrath, consigning billions of people to eternal torture because they have offended your ego or disobeyed your rules. Love is not obedience, conformity, or submission. It is a counterfeit love that is contingent upon authority, punishment, or reward. True love is respect and admiration, compassion and kindness, freely given by a healthy, unafraid human being.
    like”

  34. Ben says:

    The sad thing is that religion was born out of fear and ignorance along time ago before we had developed the knowledge to explain things Unfortunately humans continue to be brought up on this nonsense inside religious schools in 2014. Perhaps humans could focus on solving the problems of the world (hunger, disease ) instead of pursuing this outdated rubbish, perhaps we would advance as a civilisation .

  35. Stone Forest says:

    So according to Larry Osborne:

    Living God’s way will bring good fortune.
    - Tell that to the God-fearing victims of both the Nazis and Soviets.

    Faith can fix anything.
    - Ditto, and add Salafist vest-bombers to the list.

    Forgiving means forgetting.
    - In which case, God forgot about us a long time ago. Ergo, faith is irrelevant.

    A godly home guarantees godly kids.
    - Bollocks!!! My parents & teachers were arch Roman Catholics. I always questioned, and never truly believed.

    God has a blueprint for my life.
    - Therefore, some of us are damned even before we are born. Ergo, faith can neither change nor fix this.

    Christians shouldn’t judge.
    - Then they should not use any sort of reason or assessment, or make any decisions, either.

    Everything happens for a reason.
    - Wrong, everything has a preceding cause/a multitude of preceding causes, which is not the same as a reason/reasons.
    - Does God’s blueprint seem reasonable?

    Let your conscience be your guide.
    - Only a psychopath thinks like this.
    - What about God’s blueprint?

    A valley means a wrong turn.
    - Therefore God has made a lot of wrong turns.

    Dead people go to a better place.
    - How is rotting in a grave or going up in flames better than enjoying a vibrant life?

    Larry? I’d rather prefer Ozzy!!!

    @Joel: Jesus is watching you masturbate!

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