Here’s a promising-sounding new book: 10 Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe:
Many Christians, new and seasoned alike, tend to bank on promises that God never made, says one pastor.So when God doesn’t come through on those “promises,” some are likely to become angry at God.
And “that to me as a pastor over all my years is always one of the saddest things,” says Larry Osborne, teaching pastor at North Coast Church in Vista, Calif.
Osborne, whose church draws over 7,000 people, is hoping to spare a lot of Jesus followers from that anger. He’s also hoping Christians will peruse Scripture more and align themselves with what God really says rather than the “word on the street.”
Wait, that doesn’t sound promising at all! Does he at least have a good list of ten?
- Living God’s way will bring good fortune
- Faith can fix anything
- Forgiving means forgetting
- A godly home guarantees godly kids
- God has a blueprint for my life
- Christians shouldn’t judge
- Everything happens for a reason
- Let your conscience be your guide
- A valley means a wrong turn
- Dead people go to a better place.
Well, a number of those are stupid things. But if I were making a list of “Ten Stupid Things Smart Christians Believe,” none of those would be on it. What’s that? You want to know what would be on it? Good question!
Ten Stupid Things Smart Christians Believe
- A mistranslated book written by cave people is a reliable guide to the modern world.
- There’s an invisible man in the sky who likes to watch you while you’re showering.
- Two thousand years ago, an alter ego of this invisible man knocked up a Jewess whose husband wasn’t satisfying her.
- The progeny of this drunken coupling was both god and the son of god.
- This son of god was killed (but not really, since he’s also god, and god can’t die) and then came back to life to seek revenge, just like J.D. Walker.
- His killing was a necessary sacrifice in order that we might be forgiven for the sins of Eve, the first woman in the world, who lived 6000 years ago in a magical garden, where a talking snake convinced her to eat a forbidden apple.
- To show our thanks for this sacrifice, we should put special crackers and wine in our mouths, where they will be magically transformed into his flesh and blood, which we should then swallow despite taboos regarding cannibalism.
- If you don’t believe all the preceding items, then after you die you will be plunged into a lake of fire and tortured for all eternity.
- If you do believe all the preceding items, then after you die you’ll get to go to heaven, which is a cloud in outer space connected to the earth with a dotted line bent into a heart-shape
- Thomas Kinkade is an awesome painter.
Which book would you rather read?
first they say that gay are going to hell then yoga is evil wtf is with christian and what they think is god and how the hell did Jesus com back to life I’m mean really “the book of god” makes no sense
Great Writing Man!!
Cave People and beard people enjoy everything science brings to them and still want to follow pathetic practices of 1500-2000 year old nomads!!
I happen to agree that very few Christians have ever critically thought about their beliefs. However, you apparently have never read the Bible. Most of you 10 Things are not Biblical principles. You need to become informed about a topic before you try to argue against or for it.
^ Another Christard that’s fucked up in the head.
I was a natural child, raised alone. I had an unstable, always changing home life and weak father figures and no friends. Then around 6th grade my home life stabilized and in school my history teacher asked “Is anyone here jewish?” and I stared blankly. I had no idea what he had just asked the class. I also had no idea of what to write on an assignment “list 10 religions” (weird assignment for public school). Then, already going on to 7th grade, I started asking questions about religion. Apparently I had been only semi-conscious until that point because I had a small memory of attending CCD but remembered nothing outside of coloring pictures of Jesus. Religion wasn’t everyday common conversation, and no part of my life. Yet I was good and kind on my own. My life is proof that over time, without brainwashing at a young age, religion would die out.
I agree that Christians, and followers of other fundamentalist religions, believe some seriously hokey crap , but I also believe that atheists are generally mean-spirited and smug. I don’t know which is worse.
^ Well at least we don’t pass fucked up biblical based laws that affect a secular society.
people, science has nothing to do with it. Jesus is REAL so is god..
its kinda hard to understand, but 4 the people that r like Jesus and god cant be da same person and that’s crap, guess what gods another “person” the holy spirit.. look at it this way, 3 whos and 1 Wat.
god created us.. why not praise him?
This article is extremely libelous. Everything is based on what you think and what you believe in. There is no basis for this and you don’t have proof that will support everything you have just said. I agree that you’ve never read the bible, so you are in no right to declare everything in this post
First off, I’m a Wiccan, so I’m approaching this with no bias.
Second: I was raised in a Christian home by a minister, so I can understand both sides of the arguement.
Now, I’m going to assume you’re an athiest; regardless, if you firmly believe whatever it is you do believe (or don’t), then you don’t have any need to lash out at other beliefs for no reason. This article wasn’t advice, or critical criticism, or anything helpful to Christians …all it was is a way to try and hurt their faith. This, to me, shows that you, yourself, are not sure of what you believe yourself. Food for thought.
Now, ignore that if you want, but at least make some changes to the above article. If you’re going to insult Christianity, at least get what they believe right:
I’ll address them by number.
#1. Parts of the Bible were written when Rome ruled. I’m assuming they weren’t cave men as they built the Collisuem and ruled roughly half the world? Corerct me if I’m wrong.
#3 & 4. Mary (her name), was in fact not married at the time, but engaged. Also, she only gave birth to Jesus (technically they’re all three in one, but in this aspect only Jesus, the son of God), also depending how you mean knocked up: there’s no record of any intercourse, it implies more of a “why I am pregnant, I never did anything.” Hence why she is refered to as “Virgin Mary”.
#5. He didn’t seek revenge, the scriptures say that after rising from the dead he met with his disciples, then went up to Heaven., where he prays and intercedes on our behalf for us. Not much revenge there if you ask me.
#7. This is not strictly Christianity; it depends on denimination. Roman Catholics see it as actually devouring Christ, Baptists view it as symbolic only, an act of remembrance. Some denominations do not practice it.
#8. Christ said that all you have to do is accept him as your Lord and Savior, and repent of your sins and you will go to heaven.
#9. Once again, c’mon.
#10. Pointless.
What I find funny is that all religions (or lack of) admit that it is faith, or belief. Why not just let each other be? I do not believe other religions, but I don’t state them as false. Why? Because it’s their religion and not mine. They can believe what they will. It’s THEIR faith after all, not mine. So why even post a bashing-only article?
What I laugh at is that you had to be corrected by a pagan, and WE’RE the ‘cave-men’ you were talking about. I believe things older than the Bible and it’s cave-men, and I have the most sense here: live in peace. Be kind and kindness will find you. Treat your neighbors as you would yourself. Wherever you take it from, it’s the same. Try it sometime, you’ll see that it works, and people will probably like you better for it.
Blessed be.
^ Three religiotards that are fucked up in the head.
Anon please have some tolerance and respect for other people’s beliefs, you don’t show too much wit when you use that kind of vocabulary either. and the bible doesn’t say that gays are going to hell it just says its a sin like many other life styles and choices.
^ I will never respect the beliefs of brainwashed/delusional fools that accept without question a book filled with twisted morals and more contradictions than Swiss chess. You’re all fucked up in the head, no exceptions.
I love the hypocrisy of Christianity. When someone judges their beliefs, its outrageous and unacceptable. But when they question someone else’s its acceptable because the invisible space daddy told some people 6000 years ago that it’s ok. The worst thing for Christianity is Christians. They spend so much time telling everybody else how to live their lives that they hardly recognize the idiocy in it all. You need proof that God doesn’t exist, but non-believers are idiots because we need proof that he does. Give me a break.
Blessed are those who bash children’s brains out on rocks. Psalm 137
Jesus was crucified on the day before passover and the day after.
Jesus met his disciples in Galilee and Jerusalem at the same time.
Jesus performed magic (turning water into wine, etc.) The penalty for this is death according to the Bible.
Judas Iscariot committed suicide by both hanging himself and bashing his guts out on rocks. Oh, I could go on – the Bible has many things that pertain to us in the modern world but the “Christian” idiots out there make it into something it is not. Nuff said.
LOL at a “wiccan” arguing against christianity. Fucking facepalmx1000. Religion was ancient mans way to explain science, and is the modern mans way to feel like he’s actually some kind of important being. Why do humans have the need to feel like they’re so important. I don’t know how the universe came to be, but ancient people sure as hell didn’t know what was going on either lol.
ok here is the way i see it…your all fucked, i am a athiest. but i have no hate for people who praise a god of any sort. like any other NORMAL human being i have accepted that it is every persons right to live there lifes the way they see fit. as long as no one comes and bombs my contry casue i dont belive there preconceptions on life i have no issue. the day i am lawbound to obey a religion in which i do not truly belive is the day i rally the troops and start offing people. till then treat your religion like your penis . dont wip it out in public and dont try shoving it down my throat….and athiests , natral solection will eventually breed the crazy people out so calm down and play nice
Well this is a joke. As someone (I am too lazy to see who) said before, this is your opinion on something. And everyone who I have met so far does not share the exact same opinion like computer-generated automatons. Christians are not all hypocrites. Yes, they are not. Oooh, aaah. I know a lot of Christians. I have to say I respect everyone on this side, Christians and atheists alike but religion aside, aren’t there always people who are smug and refuse to listen and people who shove stuff down your throat and get mad at you but don’t follow their own rules?
Look deep into this. Study this and know that I am actually telling the truth. This coming from a lifelong skeptic. However much we don’t want to admit it, all the facts and figures of the bible are true. The Bible is 100% historically accurate. Scholars and scientists are trying to hide it, but it’s true. And Will T Walker, please don’t look at something and immediately see it the wrong way because you refuse to read it and try to understand. Here:
Psalm 137:
“By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion… …O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us–he who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.” I am not trying to shove the Bible down your throat, but just trying for you to see this in a less hateful way. It just means that people are sad about what is done to their children. THAT’S IT. THEY ARE GRIEVING.
2.Jesus was TAKEN on the day before the passover and CRUCIFIED after.
3.LOL. It was at DIFFERENT times. If I say the door is shut, and then say the door is open, is that some sort of spiritual anti-logic belief movement? No. I opened the door.
4. That was not magic. That was a miracle. The “penalty for death” as you so morbidly put it, is practicing witchcraft and the black arts.
5. Acts 1:18 “Now this man purchased a field with the
reward of iniquity; and falling headlong,
he burst asunder in the midst, and all
his bowels gushed out.”
What you do not know is how this translates in the original Hebrew text. See, The “bowels” were where the Hebrews considered
the MERCY and KINDNESS to reside, similar to
our thinking of the heart as where mercy
kindness and tenderness resides: “broken heart”,
“tender hearted”, “heartless”, etc… For the
Hebrews, those concepts were described with the
“bowels”, not the heart. (sorry I took that off the internet.)
Essentially, the verse set is saying in their
terms of the day, that Judas fell recklessly from
God, lost all his mercy and kindness and turned
in his good friend Jesus. His having done so, that
purchased the field he was buried at with said
BLOOD MONEY, the “price of blood” giving that
“field of blood”.
In other words, the Acts verse set can’t describe
an actual physical falling, but it can describe
Judas’s falling from God… his SPIRITUAL falling
from God after losing all his mercy and kindness.
And I could go on.
And I could go on.
^ Not sure if poe, but take a look at this.
David Fitzgerald Skepticon 3 “Examining the Existence of a Historical Jesus” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvleOBYTrDE