US News and World Report has put together a special feature on the “10 Most Important Obama Faith Moments.” Of course they picked stupid ones like “Having Rick Warren pray at the inauguration” and “Luring Tony Dungy away from football to join the Faith Advisory Council” and “Smearing holy dirt on Joe Biden’s forehead.” Bo-ring!
Submitted for your approval, here are my top ten Obama faith moments:
10. Healed a leper at town hall meeting in Berea, Ohio.
9. Drove evil spirits out of Lincoln Bedroom.
8. Using the tax dollars of only a few wealthy Americans, miraculous transferred large sums of money to his cronies at AIG.
7. Cursed John McCain, who withered. (Although he was pretty withered to start with.)
6. Cured a paralytic by restoring federal funding of stem cell research.
5. Descended into hell .
4. Arranged to feed (and make mortgage payments for) the multitude.
3. Calmed the storm in the stock market.
2. Miraculous conversion of Arlen Specter.
1. Raised Larry Summers from the dead.
Did I forget any?
As a Harvard alumna, I wish Summers had stayed dead. What a jackass.
11. Took Hamid Karzai to look across the river into the promised land.
12. Took whoever is the president of Iraq to look across the Tigris into the promised land – oops, they were in the promised land – it’s a desert – well now I’m confused.
13. Freed the slaves in Guantanamo.
14. Brought light to the secret CIA prisons.
15. Threw the money changers out of Congress.